We Aussies are pretty chill people most of the time.
But oh my GOSH people like this make me mad …
(I look up from my monitor and see you standing in my office.)
Oh hey there. I was just about to go a fun rant! Care to listen?
(I have no idea how you got here, or why I’m not freaked out about this, but let’s roll with it.)
Here, let me show you something I noticed when I was reading the results to my (now-closed) email survey.
Do you currently write sales emails for your business or services?
And there were three options:
1. Yes — a.k.a. “I am an action-taker”
2. No — a.k.a. “I am not an action-taker, but I am honest with myself about that”
3. No, but I plan to — a.k.a. “I am an Email Flake. I live in a fairy dreamland where I ride magic ponies and eat rainbows for dessert and dream of making a living writing emails”
It’s this third group — the ‘Email Flakes’ — that really gets me.
Now, to be fair, not every single person who answered “No, but I plan to” was truly a flake.
… but most were.
Case in point, the next question:
What’s the biggest thing stopping you? (The more detailed you are, the better I can help.)
This is where the survey gets HARD for these flakes.
As you can see, I’m asking them to recall their most traumatic war memories, and—
Oh, wait, sorry. Actually it’s not that bad. They just have to be honest with themselves.
The magic reality-bending power of the Email Flake!
Look at some of the things they say:
“Didn’t start yet”
Remember, the question was “What’s stopping you?”
The fact that you haven’t started is stopping you from starting?
And now, the climax:
The next question is, Why do you want to write better emails?
But I already know exactly what an Email Flake’s next answer is going to be:
Because this is where they just close the survey, and go back to idly scrolling Instagram.
You can’t even write four simple answers?
HOW DO YOU THINK YOU’RE EVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO WRITE A FULL SALES EMAIL THEN?!?
Answer: you won’t. But not because you quit my survey (I’m not the only answer). Rather, because that’s just how an Email Flake is.
Thankfully, most of my list are not Email Flakes. They either had written emails already, or they had seriously invested in themselves and were keen to start.
(Or they are clients waiting to hire me — don’t worry, YOU don’t have to know how to write emails — I do that part. But you don’t count)
Anyway, I will be thinking very hard about how I can help these people.
So if you answered the survey and left your email, I’ll be reaching out to you with something special in the next week or two.
If you didn’t, well, you are out of luck for now.
But don’t worry — we can still be mates.
(My eyes narrow as I look at you, still standing in my office.)
Because otherwise, I’m calling the police. How did you even GET in here, anyway?
P.S. If you have read this email and discovered you are an Email Flake, it’s okay. You can cry on my shoulder. There, there. Accepting you have a problem is the first step to healing.
The next step doubles as today’s call-to-action: either embrace me as the one who can cure your Flakishness … or unsubscribe and go and enjoy a life of Flaking out.
If you repent, you can reply and I’ll see what I can do to help.
If you like being a Flake, the link is just down there 👇
(Or, it was when this was an email. Here, it is instead a box to opt-in to my list. Which you should not use if you are an Email Flake.)