Okay — so I think this is the seventh(?) email I’ve written today.
1) It’s the last day of the launch I’ve been working on for my client this week
2) I’m on a rev-share deal … which means I get a cut of all the sales
3) I had access to their email campaign software, and basically had the CEO’s blessing to send as many emails as I wanted to rustle up sales …
Can you see where this is going? 😎
I got my brother over to babysit my kids … bought him Macca’s for lunch as a thank-you … and locked myself in my office to bash out emails.
And JUST as I finished the last one, after an entire day at the keyboard, I remembered … I hadn’t written one for MY list.
So here we are.
Anyway, on to the subject matter.
If you remember yesterday’s email, I put a call out for copywriters to accept referral leads from me.
And at the end I said this:
“Reply to this email with something that will impress me.”
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
Okay, okay. I will be the first to admit I COULD have been a little more specific about what I wanted.
*cough* it’s not like I mentioned sending a “SAMPLE” at the end or anything *cough*
But … this morning I wake up to the wonderful sight of an inbox FULL of emails titled “Re: No offence, but I can tell you’re a rookie copywriter”.
Oh … dear.
And then begins the wonderful journey of going through what people did to try and “impress me”.
Allow me to show you:
First I make my way through a handful of people who start their emails with a question … on purpose.
HAR HAR HAR SO FUNNY GUYS
(Hey … I make the lame jokes around here, all right?)
The next email I click is just this two-liner, with no sample attached:
You really don’t want to send your leads to me. They’ll wonder why they asked for your help and not mine, to begin with.
… well, shoot, if that’s true I’m not sure if I should refer leads to you 🤔
I read an email from a guy who’s actually imitated my own email style back to me. I’m nodding my head. Not bad … must note him down for further investigation.
After that comes one guy who actually HAD pitched me a sample recently:
Ugh. So true. I rewrote the leads at least 3-4 times and for some reason still felt this was the better option.
Thanks for pointing it out.
Uh … oops.
He literally thought my entire email was written to him … so he’s written me an apology for not being good enough.
(I actually feel so bad about that one, I have to send a quick 2-line reply to say it wasn’t about him haha)
This is … going well?
Next up I open another email … and feel a bit queasy:
It’s like somebody has written a mini fan-fiction novella about me.
There are literally several hundred words narrating the experience of what it’s like to receive my emails each day.
And creepiest of all … there is no call to action.
Lavish, sweet praise.
Oh, and … a mention of getting naked.
Yeah … I wish I were exaggerating.
What the actual heck?
Does this guy want referrals, or my SOUL?
I am … almost afraid he is going to try hunting me down one day so he can kill me and wear my skin.
I make a note to tell Hayley to call the police if I go missing soon, and carry on.
A bit shaken, I open the next email and start reading the first few words:
Buttholes here, buttholes there, buttholes everywhere—
(Yes, actual email. In other unrelated news, there is now one less person on my email list)
Well. Let’s carry on, shall we?
Surely this can’t get any better …
Because next up is the guy who sent me this … haiku … thing:
Like a stream of water
Is how one should read anything.
The eyes should flow across the page like skates on eyes. Laser focused.
Always wanting to read more and more until…
You’re already at the end.
Did I hallucinate this?
… uh …
I … don’t know what to say.
Is there meant to be some sort of … attachment? Or even call to action?
No, there is not.
… DID I hallucinate that?
My wild and wonderful journey through my inbox ends about half an hour later.
And to be fair — there were actually a few who did impress me.
And there are several more I’m just too beat to get to yet … it’ll take me a few days to check these samples.
But that was fun.
Before I sat down to write this email, I was GOING to show you how I would have approached it if I were in the reader’s shoes, pitching myself.
But this one’s already quite long … and weird.
So I might get to that other stuff tomorrow.
Or I might not, depending on how I feel.
If you have an opinion either way, feel free to write in and persuade me!
Wait a second.
I have a bad feeling about this …
P.S. Oh shoot, I nearly forgot to sell you something!
And wouldn’t THAT be a waste of all this fun?
Well, the waitlist to be notified about my upcoming coaching program, Inbox Detonator, is
here on my email list if you want it.
I don’t want to give away too much yet, since I’m still beta-testing it with a handful of peeps, but in that program I review your work and answer questions you have about copy.
And judging by the calibre of many of the pitches I got today … there are, um, a few people who could use that.
So come on. Get clickin’ …