“If you want clients … just go where the paying clients already are!”
“THEY’RE ALREADY INSIDE OUR TIGER ACCELERATOR MASTERMIND GRRRRROUP!” growls the tiger. “NOW HAND OVER OUR MEAT!”
“Don’t try and ssssssteal my feassssst, Throssssell,” hisses the serpent.
“I know where you’re trying to take that copywriter, Throssell!” cackles the hyena. “But it won’t work! Nya-ha-ha-haaaaa! There are no good clients where you’re going!”
“We need to move — quickly!” I say, grabbing your arm and running away through the fog. “Before the S.C.A.M. devours you!”
“What is this S.C.A.M.?” you pant as you run.
With a darkened brow, I snarl:
“The Society of Client Acquisition Methods!”
“The … society of … client … what?”
“The Society of Client Acquisition Methods — or as you might put it, ‘how to get more clients’.”
“What is that?”
“An alliance of all the gurus and experts who shill their expensive methods for getting clients. But the whole thing is a S.C.A.M.”
You frown as you run.
“Why is it a scam? They all back up their ‘proven’ methods with case studies of real people! Are they fake?”
“No, no. They’re real. But they’re cherry-picked. Naturally, if you sell a method to hundreds of copywriters, a handful will succeed no matter what the method. Yet the S.C.A.M. crew take credit for the wins — ignore the failures — and call it ‘proof’. But ignoring the failures is the literal opposite of how scientific ‘proof’ actually works.”
“Well, aren’t YOU about to show me a client-getting method too?”
“Of course I am. But mine is far cheaper, faster and lower-commitment than their methods. Unlike theirs, it won’t send you broke to try it!”
“So what is this client-getting method of yours?” you ask, impatiently. “And where are the clients?!?”
In response, I point in front of you…
And you stop in your tracks.
A hundred yards in front of us…
In the middle of a large clearing…
You can just make out what looks like an enormous, light-green tower.
It’s round like a lighthouse, but way bigger. It’s a good fifty feet in diameter … and it’s set with regular windows as far up as you can see.
It rises majestically through the fog … and pierces the layer of thick, dark clouds in the sky.
“THAT is where the clients are,” I say. “Hundreds — no, thousands of them. Lining up, cash in hand, with copy they need written! Welcome to—WAIT, where are you going?”
Before I can tell you where the clients are…
You dash off towards an item box that’s caught your eye…
Or return to your inbox for another email…