(Whew. Gotcha there, eh?)
To protect the crazy email adventure awaiting you from being swiped or copied any more than it already has been…
You must complete the short ‘screening’ step on this page in 24 hours … or you will be blocked and PERMANENTLY BANNED from resubscribing.
Like these people:
These are people who either:
1. Didn’t read this page, and failed to complete the step I am about to show you, or…
2. Signed up with a fake name, initials, a swipe email, or a fake number, against my CLEAR conditions.
(If you did this, please go back now and opt in again. Your details are checked AFTER you confirm your email. Do not confirm your email or you will be permanently banned, and will not be allowed to return in future if you ever change your mind, because you literally checked a box promising they were your real details, and I do not welcome liars into my business.)
So if you would like my emails…
Please make sure to read this page (and follow the directions) within 24 hours.
“But why should I?” you ask. “I don’t even know you — and frankly, with this rude welcome, now I like you even less.”
There is zero coercion here.
I only want you to get my emails if YOU want to get them.
As for not knowing me—
Well, you’re right. How rude of me!
My name’s “Australia’s Best Copywriter,”
and I’ve been called “Daniel Throssell”.
I think I got that backwards 🤔
Anyway, this is a picture of my grandfather, who invented copywriting:
…okay, I lied.
It’s a picture of me. My best friend is a tintype photographer.
But enough about me and my dumb jokes.
You raised a great point just a moment ago:
Why should you want my emails?
Well, maybe you shouldn’t.
Let me take this opportunity — before you qualify for my emails — to give you…
Four Short Reasons
You Should NOT Want My Emails:
Reason #1 You Will Hate My Emails:
They are, like, SOOOOO UNPROFESSIONAL
Do you believe copywriting should be a ‘serious’ matter?
Do manga illustrations make you angry?
Do lame jokes … wild fictional stories … and RPG-style adventures all have you muttering curses at how ‘childish’ and ‘unprofessional’ it all is?
And do you just generally despise fun?
YOU’RE GONNA HATE MY EMAILS 🤪
My welcome sequence is an interactive, time-travel-based adventure with fictional creatures, copywriting in-jokes, and silliness galore.
You can literally collect copywriting-themed ‘items’ — in a mobile app — that actually teach you useful stuff about copywriting.
Oh, and … my “Parallel Welcome Sequence” has anime-style illustrations, just ’cause I speak Japanese and I love that kind of thing.
Sooooooo … yeah.
“Professional” people should PROBABLY not keep reading, and should suffer the auto-ban after 24 hours.
Reason #2 You Will Hate My Emails:
I send one EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
And sometimes, I send much more than one per day.
I did tell you this before — but hey, let’s be extra clear on this point, right?
If you can’t handle that, DO NOT complete the step below. And in 24 hours, I will block you so you never have to get an email from me again.
Reason #3 You Will Hate My Emails:
They are 100% ABOUT COPYWRITING, FOR COPYWRITERS
(At this point, Darren the Graphic Designer started to get a strange feeling in his bones that maybe signing up for the email list ABOUT COPYWRITING had not been his best decision.)
It honestly baffles me how some people join my list … then proceed to literally complain about getting daily copywriting emails.
I’m like … bruh … what did you expect? 😂
If you are NOT a copywriter — or highly interested in copywriting — PLEASE CLOSE THIS PAGE AND DO NOT COMPLETE THE STEP BELOW.
Reason #4 You Will Hate My Emails:
If you are mentally unstable, illiterate, or just have the IQ of a carrot, they will not suit you in the slightest
There are certain types of people who are most certainly NOT suited for my daily cheeky, irreverent and sarcastic takes on copywriting:
Angry Karens like this lady, ranting at an autoresponder:
Boring boomers like this guy:
Non-natives with SHOCKING English like this dude:
Or total crazies like this guy:
If you fall into any of these groups…
You have no future in copywriting, and you should not sign up for my daily copywriting emails.
Please stop reading and do NOT complete the step below.
Is everyone offended yet?
Hopefully, if you’re still reading…
You are a copywriter (or highly interested in copywriting)…
Who doesn’t mind having a little fun with some interactive email adventures…
Who can take a joke without screaming about being “offended”…
And who has an IQ higher than a cheese stick.
(Hey, don’t laugh. Compared to some of the people commenting on my Facebook ads, cheese sticks are looking pretty intelligent these days.)
And if that’s the case…
Here’s what to do
to get my emails:
I require you to pass … a test.
It’s a hard test. A cruel test. A rigorous test. A—
Oh, what the heck, who am I kidding. You just have to go to your inbox, and look for the email titled:
In that email is a link.
You must find that link.
You must click that link.
And then … only then … will you receive my notorious welcome email:
The Dark Room
(the world’s most unusual welcome email)
Trust me … it lives up to its reputation.
You’re not out of the woods yet.
You have 24 hours.
Fail to confirm within that time, and your email address will be permanently blocked.
Confirm your email, and a wild adventure awaits you.
(Might I imprudently suggest that you go and do that now in case you forget … and avoid the risk of having your email permanently banned.)
But of course, what happens next is up to you…
P.S. I swear to Gary Halbert, the first copywriting guru who tries to rip this post-opt-in page off from me — like copywriting gurus ALWAYS do, because they are unimaginative HAMSTERS — I will publicly expose you for the hack you are. Come up with your own ideas.