You jerk the handlebars hard to the left…
And the bike just misses the goo-‘roo.
It starts bounding after us in hot pursuit.
“How is that even POSSIBLE?!?” you shriek. “I saw you shoot it!”
“Retargeting!!!” I shout back. “Once they get a whiff of you … these things will follow you EVERYWHERE with offers for their free-plus-shipping book, or their training course! It’s almost impossible to kill them!”
I turn around and keep firing.
You round a corner … and again, the goo-‘roo is waiting.
(Sure enough, you notice a book tucked into its pouch, which it seems to be intent on getting you to pay the postage for.)
You pull the throttle, and the bike crests a hill …
The goo-‘roo is waiting right over the other side.
The motorcycle slams into the goo-‘roo’s furry chest.
We each go flying through the air … then roughly tumble along the ground.
The goo-‘roo bounces up in front of you.
It looms over you with its towering bulk. From up close, you can see the hunger in its eyes as it looks at you. It licks its lips.
You try to scramble to your feet, but before you get up, the goo-‘roo stuns you by crying:
“WAIT — I’m not one of those ‘goo-‘roos’!”
It can … talk?
“Listen,” booms the goo-‘roo. “I’m not a goo-‘roo, and I’m not here to hurt you. In fact, I’m here to tell you what the other goo-‘roos WON’T tell you. They’re all keeping this a secret from you. And they’re FURIOUS at me for offering to share it. Now if you’ll just … give me … your credit card …”
Licking its lips, the goo-‘roo reaches out its giant paws towards you.
You shriek in terror…
And then you see something over the goo-‘roo’s shoulder that’s so physically impossible, it makes you do a double take…