You notice a tall figure standing behind a small stall outside the maze entrance.
(You could swear he wasn’t there a moment ago, when you first saw the maze…)
The figure wears an overcoat, a hat, gloves and dark glasses, so that you can’t see an inch of exposed skin.
Seeing you, though, the figure cries:
“Roll up! Roooooooll up! Don’t enter Market Research Maze without your copywriting course! Get your hot copywriting courses right here, folks!”
As it talks, it waves around what looks like a thick book.
Your eyes light up … and you run forward, credit card out.
“Wait!” I cry, trying to stop you…
But it’s too late.
You pay the figure $1,000, and it sells you a heavy, thick book.
“Wow!” you say, turning to me in delight. “This huge copywriting course must have a TON of good stuff on market research!”
“Idiot!” I reply. “You just bought a copywriting course from a goo-’roo. Look!”
You turn around…
…but the figure is gone.
In the distance … you just see a long, furry tail duck around the corner of the maze in the distance.
You look down at the cover of the course you just bought:
“The Goo-’Roo’s Guide to Copywriting! Includes Everything Ever About Copywriting! A Proven Step-By-Step Template System For Writing Copy That Converts! Works On Every Kind Of Copy Imaginable!”
And then, just below that:
“Also covers market research!”
(This last line is in messy handwriting, as if this was scrawled on as an afterthought.)
You crack it open…
…and your face falls.
Of 27 modules of your “super-duper” copywriting course, “market research” is just … one of them.
The “market research” section makes up a few flimsy pages at the start of the enormous book.
You flick through and read aloud:
“Let’s see … hopes and dreams, fears and frustrations, problems with existing solutions … uh-huh … ‘dominant resident emotion’ … okay, whatever that is … answer these 20 research questions … okay, cool, it’s a robotic check-the-box affair, I guess … and, oh, what’s this? ‘Make sure you actually TALK to people in the market’ … yikes, are you serious? I don’t wanna TALK to some randoms!!!”
You close the book.
That’s … it?
That is pretty much all you’ll get from any “copywriting course” on the topic that is SUPPOSEDLY the “single most important” part of copywriting 🤷♂️
With a loud sigh, I point to something behind you.
“I was going to tell you, don’t bother buying that course … when you can have THAT for free.”
You turn around…
…and see an item box, ready for you to open!
There’s just a pesky red button in the way…