We start high-tailing it towards a gap in the forest … hotly pursued by the mega-lion.

But as we run…

Several more giant lions jump out and join the chase.

Clearly, from the way you’re running, you’ve been spending too much time at that desk writing copy … and they’re gaining on you.

“Okay … time for Plan B!” I cry, slinging my shotgun back over my shoulder.

And then, with my other arm…

I scoop you up…
and start carrying you away!

We burst through a clearing in the trees…

And before your eyes, you see my fortified lab compound.

I dash across the path that leads to the door…

Fling it open…

Toss you in…

Then turn around.

The mega-lions run, in a huge pack, across the lawn of the compound.

And with a mad grin…

I stand in the doorway…

Heft up my shotgun…

And call:

“Yo, Jesse! Brought you some presents!”

In answer to my call…

A thin American guy with light brown hair and a short beard appears next to me, holding a sniper rifle.

And with a wink and a nod…

We both begin to fire.

Blam! Blam! BOOOM! Blam! BOOOM! Blam! Blam!

(Or ‘ban! ban!’ if we follow our Japanese SFX)

You watch, dazed, from the floor of the lab … as the mega-lions are vaporised before your eyes.

Then, a few seconds later … it’s over.

We both turn around…

And I clap a hand on the man’s shoulder and say:

“Meet my real-life best friend, Facebook ad manager, and the guy who just saved you from becoming lion food…

“Tom ‘Jesse’ Burns!”

Tom gives you a quick nod.

“Now,” I say. “Time to tell you more about what you came here for…

“The secret of ‘Ru—’!”

You give a start.

“Wait … I thought ‘Ru__’ was the ‘Rusty Old Box’ I picked up!”

“Nah,” I shrug. “That was just clickbait.”

“…oh.”

And then you add:

“…well, what is it? And does it have anything to do with the Email Copywriting Compendium you keep talking about?”

I chuckle.

Of course it does.

And since you’ve clicked so diligently to get here…

I can now permit you to…

Or return to your inbox for your next email…