But you’re not where you were before.
This time, you find yourself standing at the top of a cliff.
In front of you, at the edge of the cliff, is a sign that says:
“The Sea of Sameness”
You step forward and peer over the edge of the cliff … and gasp.
A few dozen feet below you is a HUGE body of water.
It stretches further than the eye can see.
You assume this is the ‘Sea of Sameness’ …
… but it’s covered in fog, so you can’t see it clearly.
Yet if you squint, you almost swear you can see … movement through the fog?
You lean forward to get a good look, when you hear a voice from behind you:
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
You spin around, startled.
It’s … me again. I’ve found you somehow.
I puff out my chest … and boom: “The Sea of Sameness!”
(Sensing a monologue, you wince a little, but you listen anyway. You don’t really know how else to get home without me, after all.)
“The Sea of Sameness,” I repeat. “That dreaded ocean where many copywriters before you have drowned. The same old lists of features and benefits. Boring story templates. Case study emails. Promises of “copy that converts”. And many other things which curse those wretched souls to a life of mediocrity.”
I draw a deep breath and continue.
“You don’t realise how close YOU were to falling in, either. Most copywriters spend their life in that sea. And there are very few people who know the way out.”
“Like who?” you ask.
“Well, rumour has it there’s one girl by the name of Alex Cho who has discovered the way out, and actually spends her time down there rescuing the poor souls who fall in,” I say, peering over the cliff into the mist. “But who knows if you’ll bump into her, or if she’s even real.”
“You think she’s not real?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “The rumours about her are … weird. Some say she speaks in memes. Others say she’s a hopeless gaming addict. It’s all a bit unclear. But thankfully, if you follow my advice, you won’t even have to enter the Sea of Sameness in the first place. And that’s actually what the email I’m about to send you is about.”
I tap my pocket for my phone …
… and frown.
“Hmmm … I swear I had my phone here. Oh well, I can send you the email from my Apple Watch.”
I tap the screen of my Apple Watch.
It … doesn’t respond.
I curse under my breath and tap it harder.
It … doesn’t respond.
I take off the watch and give it a whack.
It … doesn’t respond.
“GAAAHHHH!” I shriek, flinging the watch away in frustration. “I’ll show you—”
I stop, and my eyes go wide … as I realise that I’ve thrown the watch straight at you.
The broken Apple Watch sails right at your forehead, and …
Ever-so-gently bumps you.
Which wouldn’t normally be a problem …
Since normally, you’re not standing precariously on the edge of a cliff over the Sea of Sameness.
Which you actually are at this moment.
Losing your balance, you tumble …
… and plunge into the ocean below.
“AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!” you scream, helplessly flailing as you fall through the fog … and lose sight of me.
You land in the misty, murky Sea of Sameness.
And instantly … you realise the horror of where you are.
Beside you, the disembodied spirits of copywriters float by, uttering horrible moans of sameness.
“Want Copy that Converts? Click Heeeeeeeere!”
“Here’s what the ‘gurus’ won’t tell yoooooooou …”
“I help business owners with X problem achieve Y result without Z unpleasant thing …”
You almost can’t bear to listen. It’s too awful.
And yet …
You start to feel the pull of the Sea of Sameness on your own copywriting.
“This isn’t so bad,” you begin to think. “It almost all reminds me of How a 46-Year-Old Mom from Virginia’s Failing Marriage Led Her To Discover The Shocking 3-Second Water Hack That Banishes Belly Fat … wait, what?!? What am I saying?!?”
(“It’s an RMBC template … go with the floooooow …” calls out a disembodied copywriter-spirit from the distance.)
Suddenly, you realise …
You’re never going to find a way out of this, unless I somehow manage to send you an email to get you out of it.
But … you can’t see or hear me up through the fog.
(Well, story-me. You can hear narrator-me just fine.)
You give up struggling …
Close your eyes …
And begin to sink.
Then suddenly …
A lifesaver ring lands beside you.
“Grab on!” calls a girl’s voice.
You grab the lifesaver and squint.
Through the fog, you can make out the shape of a small lifeboat …
… with a small girl sitting in it.
It’s … Alex Cho.
(That girl I was telling you about … c’mon, keep up already.)
“Ahem? Small girl? I’m older than you, Daniel,” frowns Alex.
Don’t converse with the narrator, Alex. You can’t do that.
“Can so, Daniel.”
Please don’t call me Daniel. I’m the narrator. It’s bad writing form. The readers will get confused.
“You called me a small girl! That’s even worse than the time you called me your fangirl.”
But Alex … you ARE kinda a fangirl of mine. Even though we’re friends. You basically almost fainted the first time you visited my office.
“HEY! I did not!” says Alex, blushing. “It was … kinda cool though …”
You’re feeling kinda confused at all this weird narrator-character dialogue.
So you interrupt us: “Do you guys … uh … know each other?”
“Yeah,” says Alex, rowing her boat beside you. “We both live in Perth, Australia … so Daniel and I hang out a bit IRL as well as IEL.”
“IEL?” you say, confused.
“In Email Life?”
At any rate, this page is getting far too long for a parallel linker webpage, and we should get back to the emails soon.
I have just sent to your real-world inbox an email about Apple’s Secret C.R.A.P. Department.
If you remember, I promised to show you how to use a broken Apple Watch for an email idea in a way that is totally non-copywriting-hamstery.
That’s waiting for you in your inbox.
But speaking of non-copywriting-hamstery …
Before you go, I recommend checking out Alex’s emails too.
It so happens that Alex is a copywriter, too.
And if you like my emails (and you clearly do, since you’re reading this far on a parallel linker page …) you’ll enjoy hers.
Consider it a totally different spin on the idea of how to find your way as a freelance copywriter … and escape this Sea of Sameness.
Use the opt-in box below:
Note from Alex: When you sign up you’ll get …
✉️ 2-3 GIF-riddled emails per week
🙈 A bunch of LOLs if you’re into HuMoUr
🤓 Relatable stories from a nerdy copywriter
💡 Copywriting insights as I get smacked with them in da face
🎮 A World of Warcraft buddy if you’re into that PLS HIT ME UP OK?
I play on Saurfang (Oceania)