Previous episode: The Sea of Sameness
Your time-travel remote zaps you back into the sitting-room of my copywriting lab.
Hayley sits on a sofa in the corner, re-reading The Count of Monte Cristo … while Steven is playing PS5 on the lab’s plasma TV.
I’m standing a few feet in front of you, arms folded expectantly.
“Welcome back. Now, until now I’ve focused on selling the Email Copywriting Compendium … but from this story onwards, we’re going to start broadening our horizons. And so, let me ask you…
“I assume you want to get
“Yes,” you say, frowning. “What copywriter doesn’t want clients?”
“Excellent. And what do you think the best way for a new copywriter to get clients is?”
“I dunno … cold emailing?”
“COLD EMAILING!” interjects Steven in disgust (without looking up from his game). “If I hear someone talk about cold emailing ONE MORE TIME…”
“Tell me about it,” I add. “Next you’re gonna tell me you’re trawling copywriting Facebook groups … or even buying one of those overpriced masterminds that cost you like $3k per month!”
You stare at both of us.
“Huh?” you say. “Well, if cold emailing is out … and Facebook is out … and expensive masterminds are out … how do YOU recommend getting clients?”
You’re stunned as Steven and I answer in complete unison:
“UPWORK?!?” you reply. “But EVERYONE knows there are no good clients on UPWORK!!!”
Steven and I exchange a look of disbelief.
“You do know who you’re talking to, right?” I say. “Steven here regularly charges $999/hour on Upwork.”
“Yeah, well … fine, but he’s not a copywriter,” you protest. “No COPYWRITERS can get good work on Upwork!”
“What about these jobs that *I* got on Upwork?” I say.
“Yes, you CAN find good clients — who are desperate for good copywriting talent — on Upwork.”
“But what if I’m new?” you reply.
“Then Upwork is even MORE important for you. They did all the hard work of gathering the clients FOR you. Heck, I won my first job there in under a week … with zero experience!”
Now you’re interested.
“If you’re interested, I actually have a course on this topic, called ‘Upwork in One Hour‘. It’s super-affordable … super-quick … and best of all, it—”
The doors to the room suddenly burst open…
And Tom Burns runs in, panting.
“EVERYBODY TO THE BUNKER!” he screams. “THEY’VE ARRIVED SOONER THAN WE THOUGHT! IT’S THE—”
The entire room shudders as an enormous explosion goes off outside the lab, cutting Tom short.
You stand up abruptly. “What was THAT—”
“GET DOWN!” I scream, and crash-tackle you to the ground.
And not a second too late, because—
The windows of the lab shatter as bullets start whizzing through the air above our heads.
“What is going ON?!?” you scream.
You look over at me … and see me grimacing.
“I knew they would eventually come for us … but not so soon!” I curse.
“WHO is coming for us?!?” you ask, totally confused.
Bullets keep whizzing through the (now-shattered) windows and slamming into the wall of my lab.
Then for a moment…
there’s a brief pause.
We all take the opportunity to act.
Tom grabs his gun and sprints out the door…
While Steven quickly escorts Hayley down the adjoining hallway, and out of danger.
I grab you by the arm, and drag you after them.
As we run, I shout:
“It’s not ‘who’ is coming for us … but ‘what’! It’s the thing copywriters fear the most …”
“The Copywriting AI Skynet!!!”
As we run side-by-side down a narrow corridor, we pass a window.
For a brief second you stop to get a glimpse of what’s happening outside …
And your blood runs cold.
It looks like an apocalyptic scene from Terminator.
More than a dozen enormous robots — each nearly 100 feet tall — are slowly marching across the island.
And in the distance, more are arising out of the ocean, like some real-life version of Pacific Rim.
The copywriting AI robots advance on the island, indiscriminately firing lasers into the trees below.
From inside the forests, you hear high-pitched shrieks of agony.
“It’s the copywriting hamsters,” I say grimly. “The ones that can’t do anything other than squeak back what they heard others teach them. They were always going to be the first to perish from AI. And next up will be …”
In the distance, there’s a bright flash — and a giant mushroom cloud of water vapour ascends into the air.
Your mouth opens in shock. “Did they just nuke …”
I nod. “Yes, that was the Sea of Sameness, from your last visit to this parallel world. All those copywriters who simply followed templates and had nothing to differentiate them. They didn’t stand a chance against AIs with a million times more research and split-testing firepower. But we don’t have time to stand here and watch. Now come ON! We need to get to the Bunker!“
Ahead of us, Steven and Hayley disappear into a door marked:
“Hang on,” you pant as we run. “Is that…”
“Yes, I told you about this last time you were in this world,” I reply. “The Bunker is where I keep all the copy critiques I do for all my private coaching clients. It’s a phenomenal amount of ammunition for copywriters who want the skills to defeat AI. Even watching just a few of them could—”
Before I can finish, the roof ahead of us caves in … and blocks our entry to the Bunker.
And through the new hole in the roof … a giant robot is aiming its laser at us, for a second shot.
“BACK THE OTHER WAY! NOW!” I scream.
I grab your arm and pull you back around another corner.
“Change of plan!” I shout. “It’s too dangerous here. We’re going to have to bring the fight directly to Skynet!”
We run through another door … into a large, circular room lined with computers and machinery.
I run over to one terminal and start typing. Then I point you to another. “Get on that and initiate the roof opening sequence while I ready the turrets!”
You jump on the computer I point to …
… and you notice it has an Internet browser.
And then you remember:
Before everything started exploding here … weren’t you originally going to find out about some cool copywriting course that could help you get clients?
Surely the defence of this island can wait … right?
You decide that it can.
And (after checking to make sure I’m not watching) … you quickly log into your emails and check.
There’s one from Daniel Throssell, right there in your inbox.
It can’t hurt to have a quick look at that email now … right?